*sigh

"Your a lover i'm a runner, and we go round and round."

Inspired

Well... i'm feeling a bit inspired:) I always seem to feel this way after having one of those enlightening conversations with my dad. He's my person i've decided, the one that I turn to when I'm looking for answers or looking to stimulate my craving for knowledge. He's my Rachel, Crystal this reference pertains to you, when I told you about the debt crisis you immediately called Rachel and asked her those incredibly intelligent words... "are we going to blow up cause of the debt or what?" hahah Well my dad's my Rachel, anways that's way off tonights topic. So tonight my dad and I delved into a discussion about debt and my future and all the success I aspire to create (after the bachelorette finale DUH ya JP you da man, ow ow if it doesn't work out honey you call me!)  which got my wheels flailing out of control! We were talking about just inspiring incredible people like Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann and in an effort to spare political controversy I will just say that on top of running shiz and making decisions they are able to make a difference in other peoples lives and multi task to the nth degree. So I just started thinking that i'm always preaching about my totally awesome, unfailing, endeavoring, fearless, basically endless lady powers, that I want to go SO far beyond being personally successful and I want to really leave a legacy basically.... that probably comes off really cocky so I hope to redeem myself by saying I mean a legacy of service provided by my success. Now my thoughts are totally jumbled and I often times have a super hard time finding the motivation to get the ball rolling what with all the teen mom, extreme makeover body edition, and beef jerky that is always so inticing; therefore i've added to tomorrow's to do list a box for making a list of goals and aspirations to be posted on blogger. Hopefully by making them public i'll have a bit more motivation to start really accomplishing the little things; at least that's what my RA said when she forced us all to write down an academic goal for the semester and tape them to our doors... i'm skeptical however, because instead of being inspired by all the academic aspirations of my peers I was surrounded with a whole lot of "Free my boi weezy" and "Get a picture with all the princesses when I go to Disneyland." I guess we'll see.
Sweet Dreams bloggers

xoxo

You keep the door shut because..

You keep the door shut because....
you and I were hurting each other more than we were helping each other
you needed to heal and I needed to grow up
you needed a reminder of what's important and I needed a new beginning



It means different things for the both of us; you saw it as an end and I saw it as a fresh start. The door shut is a wound that silently screams all the hurtful things that were said that we can never take back. The fresh furniture smell and the untouched dust that gathers on every surface reminds us both that for a time our relationship stood still. So much hurt and pain put us both into a purgatory; not knowing how to move forward the door was shut. You were dead to me and I was dead to you. You keep the door shut to constantly remind me that i'm a visitor and I let you because that's the healthiest our relationship can be for now.

I hope that one day you open the door back up, that you and I will come to an understanding and that we'll be able to mend the cracks we put in each others hearts.
I love you mom.

An unexpected lesson

Lezz be serious, i'm a bachelor/bachelorette addict. "Hi i'm lauren and i'm addicted to watching other peoples misery and heartache whilst playing a game called love." Whatever its out there... but what I didn't expect from my mindless hours of public mackage (love me some mackage!) was that i'd actually take something from it. On the season premiering now (Ashley's season can't decide if I totally like her or not), there was one fellow in particular named Ames. Obviously its reality TV and its edited to make for good television so I don't dare say that I had this amazing actor/ viewer connection with him but I will go so far as to say that he might have taught me something. On last nights episode (the night before he got rejected, DAMN YOU ASHLEY) he said something that stuck... "The beauty in the ordinary is what's extraordinary." How neat and totally true is that, it was even more uplifting because he had just told all of America that both his father and his stepfather, both of which he was extremely close to, had died of cancer so he had adopted this outlook as a coping mechanism. Its all effing over the place ordinary sights, smells, and moments. But its picking apart those ordinary moments, or not, just really accepting what's going on for what it is that makes it beautiful. It's also 2 in the morning and everything is better at 2 A.M. so i'm gonna go to sleep now. Food for thought I guess.

"Life is a poem, one of the most exquisite poems to have ever been written... where's your pen?"

Explanation

So I created a new blog.... duh. I honestly felt like my last blog was tainted with a lot of "issues" from this past year; all of those "issues" no doubt have brought me a long way on this windy road; however, I feel like its so so important to continue on this journey with a clean slate and a new beginning. My blog is CRUCIAL to me... I put all of my raw feelings into it and honestly don't feel like I could stay sane without it (how sane can you really classify me though)(:. There's no doubt that this new blog will continue to be an outlet for venting and bitch fests (readers, consider this your warning) but i'm hoping that I can leave some of the harsher feelings behind and concentrate on the journey ahead.

I would like my first entry to be an explanation, and explanation for the title and makeover that this new blog has just begun to endure. The title... obviously He is We fans these are modified lyrics. The lyrics of my favorite song which is titled "Run." I think I always have some sort of agenda when I listen to music; i'm constantly relating a song or verse to my life or a situation or just to recall a memory (I kind of feel like its a bad habit because I'm never just really listening); beside the point, this song "Run" has been my college theme song basically. I'm well aware of the short attention spans/ non- existing attention spans of my good friends so rather than posting the lyrics you can listen to the song if you really care that much; if you don't (I don't blame you) I'll just touch on a few of my favorite lines. First, "Gonna grow up, be someone, draw a map, take a deep breath, and run" obviously the parent of my title and the most meaningful line in the whole song (I think). I'm drawing and re drawing my map everyday and the path i've gone down requires me to take a deep breath everyday and just run.. sometimes without direction but that's the exciting part. I sat here quite a bit and thought about my title, I wanted it to be very prolific and profound... and this chorus was the only thing that served me any justice. The next line would have to be, " I'm going to open my mind to all these newfound exciting possibilities." Everyday my mind changes.... Just today I was looking up internships in D.C. and everyday it's something different and the coolest part is I have all the freedom and opportunity to do it so its all super exciting. Lastly (bear with me i'm almost done), " I am trying to get past this, be better than I once was, tired of waiting on someone else I can fix it by MYSELF" Self- explanatory really, you got your independence your growth and your improvement all things I'm trying to incorporate into my life. My blog design, well that's not necessarily permanent but it fits the theme... I got my map with all the places I want to RUN to...

I'm excited, I feel great about this new blog.

- "I strive to be unique; branded by something so rare that it can never be repeated."