You keep the door shut because..

You keep the door shut because....
you and I were hurting each other more than we were helping each other
you needed to heal and I needed to grow up
you needed a reminder of what's important and I needed a new beginning



It means different things for the both of us; you saw it as an end and I saw it as a fresh start. The door shut is a wound that silently screams all the hurtful things that were said that we can never take back. The fresh furniture smell and the untouched dust that gathers on every surface reminds us both that for a time our relationship stood still. So much hurt and pain put us both into a purgatory; not knowing how to move forward the door was shut. You were dead to me and I was dead to you. You keep the door shut to constantly remind me that i'm a visitor and I let you because that's the healthiest our relationship can be for now.

I hope that one day you open the door back up, that you and I will come to an understanding and that we'll be able to mend the cracks we put in each others hearts.
I love you mom.

An unexpected lesson

Lezz be serious, i'm a bachelor/bachelorette addict. "Hi i'm lauren and i'm addicted to watching other peoples misery and heartache whilst playing a game called love." Whatever its out there... but what I didn't expect from my mindless hours of public mackage (love me some mackage!) was that i'd actually take something from it. On the season premiering now (Ashley's season can't decide if I totally like her or not), there was one fellow in particular named Ames. Obviously its reality TV and its edited to make for good television so I don't dare say that I had this amazing actor/ viewer connection with him but I will go so far as to say that he might have taught me something. On last nights episode (the night before he got rejected, DAMN YOU ASHLEY) he said something that stuck... "The beauty in the ordinary is what's extraordinary." How neat and totally true is that, it was even more uplifting because he had just told all of America that both his father and his stepfather, both of which he was extremely close to, had died of cancer so he had adopted this outlook as a coping mechanism. Its all effing over the place ordinary sights, smells, and moments. But its picking apart those ordinary moments, or not, just really accepting what's going on for what it is that makes it beautiful. It's also 2 in the morning and everything is better at 2 A.M. so i'm gonna go to sleep now. Food for thought I guess.

"Life is a poem, one of the most exquisite poems to have ever been written... where's your pen?"